People keep saying that time will heal everything....

Time isn't healing anything, it's just teaching us how to live each day dealing with the pain of missing you...

The first thing I will do

Dancing Ladybug
Delicate and free
Carry this prayer to
The highest tree
A prayer of love
So that my son always knows
How much I love him and
Miss him below.

Now when it rains, it pours....

When It Rains

Kid Rock

Like a deer in the headlights, I stood frozen in my tracks 
And the weight of the news, It nearly broke my back 
It was late September, and I remember oh so well 
I put a rose in the bible and placed it on my shelf 

Now when it rains, it pours 
Wish I didn't know now the things I never knew before 
Now when it rains, it pours 
Wish I didn't know now the things I never knew before 

Back then when we were 17 
Time was on our side 
Holes in our jeans and a pocket full of dreams 
The future was Friday night 
And we would hangout down by the river bend 
Singing our favorite songs 
Laughing and drinking, smoking and smiling 
Now those days are gone 

Now when it rains, it pours 
Wish I didn't know now the things I never knew before 
Now when it rains, it pours 
Wish I didn't know now the things I know for shore 

Like a deer in the headlights, I stood frozen in my tracks 
And the weight of you not here nearly broke my back 
And the tears they fell like a monsoon 
Underneath the cold fall moon 
Somehow God put his hands on your shoulders 
Way too, way too soon 

Now when it rains, it pours 
Wish I didn't know now the things I never knew before 
Now when it rains, it pours 
Wish I didn't know now 
No I didn't know now 
What I knew before

Signs of love xox

As I sit safe in Heaven and watch you everyday, I try and let you know with signs that I never went away! I hear you when you're laughing, and watch you as you sleep. I even place my arms around you, to calm you as you weep. I see you wish the days away, begging to have me home. So I try to send you signs, to let you know you're are not alone. Don't feel guilty enjoying life the very best you can. Heaven is truly beautiful just you wait and see. So live your life, laugh again. Enjoy yourself, be free. Then I'll know with every breath you take, you'll be taking one for me.

It's only for a little while..

Closer than a hug..

Always in our hearts and on our mind xox

Spring, Summer, Fall and Winter...

Signs are all around us when your heart needs healing.

There are hard days and just a little bit easier days..

Mother's Day

My dear sister,

I love you with all of my heart. On this day of Mother's Day I hope that you find a happy moment remembering a happy memory. I know your heart will be heavy. I found a wonderful blog for you. I hope that you maybe able to sneak some time away here and there to read it. 

http://survivingthelossofachild-lisa.blogspot.com/

When was the last time you were happy?

By: Lisa Epperson

A few weeks ago someone asked me to remember a time I was really happy. Usually I can go around this question with no problem. I can give a patt answer about a vacation, a memoriable event my family has shared in. Unfortunately this person wanted a real answer and actually cared what the response was. You know how it is, when it is someone who is just asking you something out of civilty you can answer without emotion and give them the answer they are looking for. But when someone truly cares about you and the response, the questions become emotionally charged and sometime difficult.




All I could think of was the very last time I saw DJ alive and happy. I even tried to think of other things that had made me truly happy over the years but it just wasn't there. Over 5 years ago DJ turned around and looked at me smiling, waving and saying"Goodbye, I love you" That is the last time I was truly happy. How much does that suck? I know it is a great memory, I am so thankful that I had that kind of memory (besides the accident scene) of DJ's last days on earth but to have that be the last time I was truly happy was quite shocking to me. I didn't even know that. I didn't realize it, I had no idea my mind would go there and it went there quickly.




I decided to look up the definition of happy and this one hit me the most--"quick or enthusiastic to use or do something". I haven't been enthusiastic over anything in a long time. I have had a lot of accomplishments personally and with the family over the last five years--writing and publishing my books, speaking and ministering to people, seeing my daughter Emilee graduate cosmetology school, watching Jake mature and grow confident in who he is since DJ's death. Seeing my husband regain a positive role at his business and beginning to enjoy work again. Regaining my real estate license after taking 4 years off. Standing up and getting out of bed. But looking back I see my life as if I am looking from the outside in. I do not feel as if I am in it, enjoying the moments. I see them, I am watching them but somehow the enthusiastic part is missing. I am missing my son, and am thus missing who I am as well. I am not in a depressive mood, only seeing the gloom in the world today I am just realizing that the happy, enthusiastic life is not part of who I am anymore. I go through the motions, I have fleeting moments of joy and fun but they are viewed from the outside and certainly not internal anymore.




I know I am not the only person who has lost a loved one, a child that deals with this. We the bereaved parents only seem to get so close to others and often shut down. We do not wish to share too much of ourselves with others--is this a self defense mechanism? Probably. If we don't give too much of ourselves we don't have to worry about being hurt so much by others or the world. I feel as if I am in a plane and just hovering above the airport, I am in a holding pattern in life. I am circling around, seeing what is going on below and around me but just not committing to becoming fully engrossed in it, engrossed in the emotions of life. I do not land.




All this said, when was the last time YOU were happy? I hope it has been since your child has passed away, I hope you have landed your plane, are making the trips on and off. Running along the tarmac with enthusiasm!!!




Side note--my book Flowers on a Child's Grave, Now What? isn't the typical stocking stuffer however, the holidays are here and 14 families have shared how they got through the holidays after they lost their children.(ages 20 minutes to 35 years of age) If you are interested in ordering please go to my website at flowersonagrave.com. Lia-forever DJ's mom

Visiting Hours..

Thank you for the gift today

When life feels overwhelming

And worries consume the days

When uncertainty turns to fear

And dreams beginning to fade

When hesitation limits my ability

And hope is as distant as the sky

Along you come with encouragement

Proving once again, that angels truly fly

xox

To some, it may just be a ladybug.  

But to us, it will always be a sign from heaven.

All gave some, some gave all.

In grateful memory of 

Lance Cpl. Dominic John Ciaramitaro,

 who died while in the service of our country.

Dear soldier,

Dear friend,

Rest in love, 

Rest in peace,

Rest in glory.

Wishes xox

On birthdays when I am asked to make a wish and blow out the candles, there is always only one wish that I make. I always wish that you are able to hear all of our thoughts when we talk to you and know how much we love and miss you.

If I was ever lucky enough to have two wishes then I would ask to travel back in time (now that I'm older and wiser) and realize how precious the days of you life were and wish that I didn't miss so many of them.

I was given such a wonderful gift on the day you were born and that was being called your Aunt. I wish that I would have hung out with you more and realized how precious the time would be when we had you with us. 

I talk to you everyday now and make sure you know I am here thinking of you. Not one day goes by that you aren't in all of our thoughts. Not one day goes by when you are not so deeply missed by your mom, Marcia, Joe and all of us that were blessed to have you for such a short but special time.

That is why I make the wish I do each year when I blow my candles out.

We love you so much Josh and are so excited to see you again one day!