I love you. Son

Happy Birthday in Heaven xox

Happy Birthday in Heaven

I wish you were here today
even for just a little while
so I could say Happy Birthday son
and see your beautiful smile.

The only gifts today will be
the gifts you left behind;
The laughter, joy and happiness...
precious memories...the best kind.

Today I'll do my very best
to try and find a happy place...
struggling to hide my heavy heart
and the tears on my face.

I'll sit quietly and look at your picture
thinking of you with love;
hoping you're doing okay
in Heaven up above.

May the angels hold you close and
sing you a happy song...
and I'll be sending wishes to you
today and all year long.

© kidaca. All rights reserved

Smiling at the wonderful memories...

Tragedies certainly bring their fair share of grief, but in the last 3 years I've slowly realized they teach us life lessons that truly make us better people. Whether its being grateful for what you have, deciding to live each day to the fullest, or just being a better overall person a tragedy can certainly be a positive. With that said, my mom, sister and myself are thankful today that we still have each other and that we had josh for 25 beautiful years. In honor of him we will watch his favorite movie (the burbs), visit one of his life long best friends, and dabble with a little bit of his brew of choice, miller lite. Most importantly, days like today teach me to treat each and every person I interact with in a positive manner. You never know what that person deals with on a daily basis. 

For that I can thank you Josh. 

I Love you and miss you.

-Joe (written on July 21, 2013)

"A big brother is a girls first best friend." I couldn't have asked for a better big brother, best friend, partner in crime, role model growing up, a shoulder to lean on, and the advice you gave me that was always right weather I listened or not. Missing you today and always! And smiling at all the memories we have!!

-Marcia (written on July 21, 2013)

always....and never...

there will always be a certain sadness
when I see something or hear something
that reminds me of you

there will always be an emptiness
when I watch our show or sing that song
the way that we used to

there will always be moments when
I find myself lost in thoughts of
everything I wished I'd said

there will always be today and
a hope that I'll wake and not have
the pain of losing you in my head

there will always be an ache in my heart
on your birthday or special days
that we're supposed to celebrate

there will never be a day that goes by
that I don't think of you and miss you
and really question fate

Author Notes

losing a loved one is a pain that never goes away

© kidaca. All rights reserved, a year ago

Hugging you with our prayers.

We love you and miss you dearly Josh xox..

Each day in our memories, you will still laugh and love, you will still sing and play guitar, you will still hug and kiss us with your hellos and goodbyes.

You will forever be in our lives, you will forever be a son, a brother, a nephew, a cousin, and friend.

 We miss your shining face. We think of this day and wonder why? We might cry from missing you or smile from memories of you -but at the end of this day, we are one day closer to you....

People keep saying that time will heal everything....

Time isn't healing anything, it's just teaching us how to live each day dealing with the pain of missing you...

The first thing I will do

Dancing Ladybug
Delicate and free
Carry this prayer to
The highest tree
A prayer of love
So that my son always knows
How much I love him and
Miss him below.

Now when it rains, it pours....

When It Rains

Kid Rock

Like a deer in the headlights, I stood frozen in my tracks 
And the weight of the news, It nearly broke my back 
It was late September, and I remember oh so well 
I put a rose in the bible and placed it on my shelf 

Now when it rains, it pours 
Wish I didn't know now the things I never knew before 
Now when it rains, it pours 
Wish I didn't know now the things I never knew before 

Back then when we were 17 
Time was on our side 
Holes in our jeans and a pocket full of dreams 
The future was Friday night 
And we would hangout down by the river bend 
Singing our favorite songs 
Laughing and drinking, smoking and smiling 
Now those days are gone 

Now when it rains, it pours 
Wish I didn't know now the things I never knew before 
Now when it rains, it pours 
Wish I didn't know now the things I know for shore 

Like a deer in the headlights, I stood frozen in my tracks 
And the weight of you not here nearly broke my back 
And the tears they fell like a monsoon 
Underneath the cold fall moon 
Somehow God put his hands on your shoulders 
Way too, way too soon 

Now when it rains, it pours 
Wish I didn't know now the things I never knew before 
Now when it rains, it pours 
Wish I didn't know now 
No I didn't know now 
What I knew before

Signs of love xox

As I sit safe in Heaven and watch you everyday, I try and let you know with signs that I never went away! I hear you when you're laughing, and watch you as you sleep. I even place my arms around you, to calm you as you weep. I see you wish the days away, begging to have me home. So I try to send you signs, to let you know you're are not alone. Don't feel guilty enjoying life the very best you can. Heaven is truly beautiful just you wait and see. So live your life, laugh again. Enjoy yourself, be free. Then I'll know with every breath you take, you'll be taking one for me.

It's only for a little while..

Closer than a hug..

Always in our hearts and on our mind xox

Spring, Summer, Fall and Winter...

Signs are all around us when your heart needs healing.

There are hard days and just a little bit easier days..